Mothering…..

Ahh….the joys of motherhood!  Well…not always joy, but for the most part- yeah- JOY!!!  I have been reminiscing childbirth lately…not because of Mother’s Day but just, well, I don’t know.  The day that my first was born at a whopping 10 lbs. 1 oz…. unbelievable….she is now a doctor btw!  Then came the second- boy was I ever praying that statistics were wrong and this child would not weigh more than the first!  Hallelujah he weighed in at 8 lbs. 12 oz.  WHEW!  As for this one–he  grew up to be a minister….so I have two wonderful children – both are healers….one is for the body and one is for the soul…pretty good, I’d say.

I often wonder though, did I do enough as a mother.  They are both grown and married, but what do they remember?  I remember when they were my entire existence.  The times that nothing else mattered but to sit down with them and color, watch a favorite t.v. show, play in the mickey mouse tent, read a favorite book for the 100th time.  Sometimes I have to get the photo album out and then the memories really flood in.  I wish I could say that I was a perfect mother,…..”I WAS a ….”  nope, can’t say it!   I wish I could go back and change some things but that is not to be; I try not to live with regrets.  I just wonder….did I say “I love you” enough or did I listen and make them feel as important as they really are?  What would I change if it were possible to do that?  OH…Why must we be young and stupid before we are old and wise?  Why can’t wisdom come earlier?  The wisdom that I finally possess or at least consider my own, knows so much more than then.    My life is more stable….I am not trying to figure out who I am or where I’m going .

My ‘mothering’ days have changed quite a bit since that special day that we met each other for the first time.  My sleepless nights are now from menopause and not a crying baby….I prefer the crying baby!  I always want to be here for my children.  When they need me and when they don’t or think that they don’t.  Truth is – we always need our moms- just in different ways.  And another truth- Moms always need their kids….  Not sure what that special bond is that God placed between a mother and child is, but I do know that it is powerful.

My two children have brought me many gifts over the years, to which most of them I have kept and cherished.  Their most precious gifts were – a daughter in law and a son in law….they are perfect, beautiful gifts.  I cherish them for many reasons…one for the fact they were given to me BY my children, a representation of the most important decision that they alone had to make..

Life has been wonderful and I am very blessed.  If I took my last breath tomorrow, I would still be a blessed woman.  God has been good to me and I thank Him for the opportunity to raise two special, wonderful, perfect gifts that He entrusted to me years ago.  I hope I make Him just a little proud.  Mothering is the hardest thing I have ever encountered, but it has been the greatest in rewards.

Why Women Resist Community | Articles | BuildingChurchLeaders.com

When I read this article, I was reminded at how easily we forget things.  Even for those of us who feel comfortable, for the most part, wonder why we act the way we do sometimes…If you happen to read this article, share with me your thoughts on its contents…and, yes, I do think it is worth the read…

Why Women Resist Community | Articles | BuildingChurchLeaders.com.

Goodbye 2010!

The year of 2010 is finally coming to an end.  I have learned a lot this year through my own mistakes, God’s testing, and the daily rigors of life.   I can’t say that it has been a bad year, but I am not sure that I can say it has been a great year either.  I know that God is teaching me some things and it is never easy sitting in His classroom.  BUT, I do know that at the end of the course, I will come through as a better person and the things that He will have taught me will prepare me for what is ahead.   That I am confident of!  I don’t know what faces me, my family in 2011; I mean, I already know a few things…it is just those things that really catch you by surprise.

I love the scripture Psalm 19:14.  David is asking God to let everything that he says and thinks about – the motives of his heart to be acceptable in God’s sight.  Sometimes at the end of the day, I fear that my heart motives and the things that have come forth from my mouth may disappoint God.  Dying daily to our flesh is hard to do!  And doing things the RIGHT way and the GODLY way, is sometimes overshadowed by that flesh that is to be crucified.  As a friend of mine pointed out once,  David refers to God as His strength- the one who can keep him…and as His redeemer- the one who can and will forgive him.  I take great comfort in this scripture.  He is my strength and my redeemer!

 

 

For the Love of Music

I have been reminded this weekend of how much I love playing the piano.  Since my sister and her family have been home from England, due to my Dad’s surgery, I brought her teenage children home with me for a few days.  One of her sons sat at the piano at random times and began playing things he had been taught.  Then, he would just ‘play’ at the piano.  I sat there listening to his methodical ‘playings’ and remembered that, that is exactly how I learned to play the piano.  Just sitting there playing the different keys, one note at a time, several together, and figuring out how to play melodies that I knew.  He told me that he could remember anything he was taught on the piano, demonstrated, and then proceeded to show me what he had taught himself.  As I smiled to myself, I suddenly felt a rekindling of ‘playing’ at the piano.  Rarely do I now sit down and just play and I realized  how much I miss that time.  Thanks, Chace,  for awakening that curiosity once again.  Today I will ‘play’ ….at the piano!

It’s All Good!

One week ago, my dad had a stress test.  He suffered a mild heart attack in 1998 so these are routine.  At the very end of the stress test, a restriction showed up on the lower part of his heart but he had no pain.. On Wednesday of this week he underwent a heart cath to see what was going on.  At best we thought he may have to have a stint.  However, we weren’t quite prepared for the news we received – bypass surgery.  The doctor said that the good news was his heart muscle was very strong and showed no signs of a previous heart attack.  The bad news – his arteries were severely diseased.  Due to the severity and the location of all the blockages, the only option was bypass surgery- 4-6 bypasses necessary.  Needless to say, we were somewhat speechless in the fact that we weren’t prepared for that news; honestly, it was never even a thought.  They immediately put Dad in the hospital and said he could not leave until he had the surgery.  The Red Cross brought my sister and her family home from England the next day, Thursday- and Friday, yesterday- Dad had surgery.

Why wasn’t I worried to death?  Well, I believe that God will prepare us for things to come…The last few weeks, God has given me such joy and peace that it is really hard to explain.       The Lord had prompted my mother to pray and fast one meal each day for six weeks at the end of July.  She didn’t know why, but was obedient and felt that wonderful peace upon completion.  She knew that God was preparing her for something but did not know what.

Once we heard the news about dad’s surgery, it was a peace moment.  We knew that God was/is in control and our trust level was at a maximum.  When I left dad on Wednesday evening after talking with the surgeon, I looked at my Dad and said, “It’s gonna be ok, Daddy.”  He looked at me and said, “yes it will.  Either way, it is gonna be alright.”  I started to protest and tell him not to think negatively, but this is what came out of my mouth…”Yes, you’re right…and if God should take you home, I WILL see you again!”  It was a great moment between me and Dad… AND, I still had all the joy and that wonderful peace that I have been feeling for weeks now.  There is absolutely nothing that compares to God’s peace.

Friday morning Dad had surgery….it could not have gone better.  Only 4 bypasses were needed and there were no complications.  Today, he is in a regular room, with lots of blood flowing to his heart, hugging his ‘heart’ pillow and getting ready to walk tonight.    What is this blog about?  God’s faithfulness. God’s preparation for things to come.  God’s timing.  The doctor couldn’t understand why he had not had a massive heart attack, but I understand…but God.

There will be rough days ahead and many complications could occur, but God is in control.  I trust Him. I know my Dad trusts Him.  Oh how He loves you and me!   Thank you God, for Your joy and Your peace.

Desperate

Have you ever just wanted something so incredibly bad that the feeling of desperation became the prominent emotion? That you would risk just about anything to ensure its reality?  That really and truly nothing else matters except this …..thing that you want so badly?

I am there….. I am so desperate for people to except Christ and love Him back the way He loves us!!!!!  If I could only get them to understand just how much He loves us and how much He cares about us and the fact that He does have a plan for our lives if we will follow Him!  That we are not born to live in the gutters of life or to be unhappy or abused by the things of this world……………………………………………………………….

My heart aches for people to come to know Christ as Lord and Savior.  All the money in the world can’t buy the happiness that comes only from Him.  All the  PEACE  that is searched for can be found by stopping at the foot of the cross and not only just realizing or acknowledging but ACCEPTING Christ as one’s Savior.  The joy that fills one’s inner most being can only be given by Him…

Why?????  If I could accept Christ for others, I would….I WOULD!  But I CAN’T!  It is a personal choice…a choice that every individual must make….

I always think about The Man and The Birds….why can’t we accept God’s plan of salvation?  Why do we say we believe but we decline His gifts?  His plan for our lives?  His love that is unfailing, unwavering, unconditional?  Why can’t we see that because He loves us, that He has given us everything…?  Why is it not enough?  Why will we not accept eternal life with Him?

Jesus came, He died, He AROSE!  He ASCENDED!  and He is coming AGAIN!  Lord…open our eyes to the darkness that surrounds us….help us to see our need for YOU- our Savior!  Help us to realize that the things of this world are not eternal; open our eyes to TRUTH!  You have already done so much, yet for so many it has not been enough……..why?

What level of desperation do you have?  Are you desperate to find Him?  Are you desperate to share Him?  Are you as desperate for Him as He is for you?    He Loves Us!

Evening Thoughts

I just love life….even the bad times….It reminds me that I am alive, emotional, making decisions, growing.   Life is ever-changing…  When I think about how God is always faithful, even through the changes of life, it makes everything ……alright.  Yeah…it is alright!

A Sobering Thought

We finally made it to Washington, D.C.  YAY!!!   The day we went, the sun rays were in the form of liquid but yet  we trudged on!   Mike and I took a bus tour from our resort we were vacationing at – only 2.5 hrs. away.  Our first stop was at the Jefferson Memorial and we got off the bus to step into a huge DEEP puddle of water…so our day started off with wet feet, wet clothes, wet hair, ummmm…pretty much everything got wet!  Believe me, we hurried inside to buy ponchos- but only after we were soaked!  Even with umbrellas, we got wet….it POURED!

Leaving the Jefferson Memoiral, we traveled to Arlington Cemetery – one of the places we definitely wanted to visit.  We have always wanted to visit the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and see the changing of the guard.  As we approached the time of this, the drizzle of rain became a downpour – holding nothing back – as the Changing of the Guard took place…Even though, the rain was deafening and we could not hear anything the soldier was saying, it still brought tears to our already wet face and a lump in the throat so big you couldn’t swallow.

I was standing there overcome with emotion but so angry and upset that it was raining! I was worried about my camera and not being able to hear and understand the ceremony…All of sudden….it was like I had an epiphany about where I was and what was really going on….In the midst of angry thoughts about how unfair it was that it was raining, my thoughts immediately changed in regards to our military and this soldier.  The Tomb is guarded everyday, in all kinds of weather by an exceptional  soldier who has volunteered for this duty, because he is proud to honor all Americans who have paid the ultimate sacrifice for freedom.   Why in the world would I think it had to be a certain way, to witness this wonderful ceremony and what it represents?  Talking about selfishness!  Geeze!  I was full of selfishness that day…not that I am proud of that by any means!

As I was in the middle of my epiphany, I began to cry.  I have  a brother-in-law and a good friend in the Air Force, a good friend in the Army, a young man I have known since he was a child, in the Navy….they don’t get to choose the weather when they protect our country,  you and me- our freedom…They are ready at a moment’s notice and they make the best of any situation…They have one goal in mind- and nothing else matters.

While standing there with this sobering thought, the Changing of the Guard at that Unknown soldier’s tomb, made me more thankful for our military than ever before…The fact that serving in the military gives no place to selfishness……they take an oath to protect our country at any cost.  Standing in that cemetery, I realized the cost has been and still is VERY high….I am so grateful for those who have fought for our country and what she stands for..for those who are giving of themselves right now and for those who will give tomorrow.

Should I have the opportunity to visit this cemetery again, rain, shine, snow, sleet, wind, hail, whatever….I will stand tall with pride for those who have given so selflessly of themselves for my freedom… Thank you!

Family

I remember growing up how I couldn’t wait to get married and have my own family….but I did not realize the IMPORTANCE of family.  It is more than a word or a description of someone….it is part of who you are. It is the DNA that is shared with these people, that helps to make you who you are…You spend at least 20 years with these people, sometimes wanting to ‘get way’ from these people, only to find out how truly important they are to you.

My sister is 6 years younger than me.  While growing up, we were never really close, and when I got married, she was only in the 7th grade.  I moved away, missed so much of her life, and since she has been married, she has lived abroad – off and on for the last 22 years.  Through this time, we have found our closeness, a wonderful friendship and a REAL sisterly bond.  There are times when I reflect on things that she shares with me and I realize that I missed SO much family time with her.

As we marry or move away, whatever the case may be, I have come to an understanding that even though you may begin your own family, the extended family should not be forgotten or removed.  Get together and memories suddenly flood the conversation; realization of how much you have missed that person and sometimes, how much you don’t really know this person anymore.

My sister has four children and I have two.  The good thing is that we found our way to friendship and family again so we could be a part of each other’s lives.  Even though they were in Okinawa, Germany, and now in England, I know her children and she knows mine.  They’re our extension to the future and our legacy.   We have made a point to talk weekly and sometimes daily…to share our joys and sorrows…to lean on each other and know that we can really count on one another.  We have watched our children grow up- although not together, we have been there via phone, skype, email, and a few trips in between.

Last week, Macke  (a.k.a. Kim) and her family came home for a month’s visit.  We met on Sunday to give our mom a surprise birthday party; she is now 69.  I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed this…We have missed  the bond of actually being physically present for so many holidays and celebrations.  It was wonderful to be together.

As our children are now …ummm…pretty much grown….I realize that I will have to work very hard to keep in touch with all the kids.  They will go out on their own, begin a new life, and one call to Macke won’t cover everyone.  I recently read somewhere that to be wise and old, one must first be young and stupid.  I am so glad that I finally made it at least to the ‘old’ part and wisdom is something I seek everyday!

It is hard to believe that our parents are 69 years of age…that my sister and I are in our 40’s, my children are married- hers are just getting to young adulthood.  I have missed them.  I am so thankful for the family that I have, not a perfect one, but they’re MY family…extended family and all….

We don’t cherish these relationships enough and we usually take them for granted.  Thank you God for my family, the good and the bad times, the joys and the sorrows, the past, present, and future.

Personal Happiness

I love it when all is well.  You know…when everyone is healthy, loved and loving back, the road is smooth with only minor bumps, when you are living on the mountain top and knowing you are experiencing God’s blessings….

I wish I could stay in this place…but this life is not utopia.  We only glimpse it from time to time and it is through fleshly eyes at that.  However, I will accept it every time it comes around…never know when things are going to change so I will embrace the moments that I have and thank God for each and every one of them….